Now that we know about Bill Hybels, the Falwells, Carl Lentz and Ravi Zacharias, what should we do?
I have spent a good bit of time reflecting on how I believe the church should respond to abuse by a leader, born out of my own experience with how a church definitely should not respond. A few years ago, I was curious how others in the #churchtoo movement would advise Christians who were previously unaware of the reality of clergy-perpetrated sexual abuse. I put the question out on Twitter and got some great crowd-sourced responses richly informed by experiential expertise, hard facts, and compassion born of mutual suffering. Thank you to everyone who contributed their ideas on Twitter and graciously gave permission for me to share them here. (A previous version of this post was formerly published on the now-defunct Porch Swing Ministries blog.)
Center and Support Victims
Our first response should be to care for church abuse survivors properly. How then do we do this? Here is some advice on how to be a good Samaritan.
Start by believing.
We live in a culture that is biased in favor of those with more power. Time after time, we find victim reports are disbelieved and discounted, sometimes for decades, while abusers continue to abuse. @DefendTheSheep (Julie Anne Smith), one of the bloggers behind Spiritual Sounding Board, says, “Start by believing victims. It is extremely rare for a victim to come forward. Why would someone do that except to expose the truth and save other potential victims.” Indeed, false reports are unlikely. The National Sexual Violence Resource Center has estimated false statements between 2-10% based on a meta-analysis. According to the US Centers for Disease Control, one in three women and girls and one in four men and boys experience sexualized abuse during their lifetime. For some reason, statistics on perpetrators are harder to come by, but I have heard multiple anecdotal reports about perpetrators with more than one hundred victims. Your odds of making the right choice are much better if you believe a victim’s account and proceed with courage and compassion.
Support victims and their families.
Survivors and their families are just as important in God’s eyes as the church leader and should be to the rest of us. The more well-known person tends to receive most of the support when abuse allegations arise. Many of us who knew of Zacharias’ sexual predation watched with sadness as Christian leaders continued to promote and praise him the last few years when allegations were known but ignored. To see influential female Christian leaders side with their male counterparts in overlooking abuse has been particularly painful for survivors. Be intentional about leveling the playing field for potential victims.
Create safety and a network of support for the victim. It is often exceedingly difficult for the primary victim of church abuse and their loved ones, who become secondary victims, to find help. Abusers know this and rely on it. Many survivors lose their Christian community in the aftermath of experiencing abuse. Quoting @mhairiforrest (Mhairi Forrest), “The victim & family has the right to a safe space. The predator should be asked to remove themselves. Do not quote scripture at the victim & family. Do not look for the victim’s responsibility in the abuse. This is what predators do. Abuse is not normal behavior. Don’t excuse it.” In almost every case I know of, the opposite is happening. The victim and family are run out of their faith community, and the perpetrator remains and receives support. This is especially the case when the alleged abuser holds more social capital, whether in terms of gender, race, position, influence, or resources.
You can support survivors by using your voice. In her response, @thefrogpryncess says, “1. Speak up in support of victims of this kind of abuse. 2. Once we’re free to go out in public again, consider starting a support group for abuse survivors. 3. If anyone ever tells you something like this has happened to them, believe what they’re saying.”
Consider making a public statement of support for victims on your social media, especially if they have already been blamed publicly. Bill Hybel’s victims were scapegoated and still have only received a minimal apology from Willow Creek Church and Global Leadership Network, in contrast to how they were initially blamed. The damage done to these women and their families can and should be undone by reversing the words of victim-blaming.
You may consider helping victims of clergy-perpetrated sex abuse with therapy and other costs if you can. These costs conservatively run into the thousands of dollars annually. Additionally, if you are close enough to those affected by abuse, ask yourself how you would respond if there were a severe illness or tragedy in the family. That support may be welcome, as the traumatic aftermath and mental health effects of abuse can make routine daily tasks difficult for some time.
Most importantly, if you know a victim and their family personally who has experienced abuse, don’t abandon them. Most often, the victim and their family are abandoned by the community, which harms mental health. Listen, offer support, and be willing to learn about what they have experienced. Diane Langberg’s book Redeeming Power: Understanding Authority and Abuse in the Church is an excellent resource.
Taking reports of abuse seriously and caring for survivors are the foundations of a compassionate and just response to abuse. Part 2 of this series will share ideas for how Christians can move forward to prevent clergy-perpetrated sex abuse.