The first part of our response to abuse is believing, caring for, and supporting existing survivors. Now we turn to understanding how this happens so we can dramatically decrease the future incidence of church abuse. And if you had any doubts about the necessity of taking abuse seriously and working to ensure victims are treated equally by the Body of Christ as leaders who are accused, these steps may very well ease your doubts.
Learn about predatory behavior.
It is hard for many to contemplate that someone they know would intentionally prey on another person because they can’t imagine themselves capable of it. Perhaps it is hard to fathom because the accused person has always appeared above reproach. To this, @Skaldmaer1 says, “Help people to understand that most predators … work very hard on presenting a Godly image, because people will then not believe accusations against them.”
“Assume the victim is telling the truth. Step back from your understanding of who the abuser is. Learn about predators & their tactics. Predators deserve repercussions, no matter who they are. Victims deserve support,” advises @Mhairiforrest. Wise words, because if we do not know how to recognize the dynamics of predation, exploitation, and abuse, we might miss them entirely due to our biases in favor of leaders.
Chuck DeGroat’s book When Narcissism Comes to Church is one resource for learning about predatory behavior in the church. Anna Salter’s Predators is a much more disturbing read, but it can be very upsetting.
Protect the Future.
Once we face the reality of what is happening and that it could happen in our church, we can take more proactive steps. @DSW Ministries says, “Have more training, more accountability, and consequences for church leadership.” Training needs to be comprehensive, trauma-informed and designed to protect victims, not to protect the church from legal repercussions or reputational damage.
Reconsider Pastors on Pedestals.
You may want to look honestly at how you view church leaders, suggests @_CassandraLoren (Casey Kerins). “Operate from the assumption that no leader has any unique message from God; their teaching is not more valuable than the Justice required for survivors. God always has another to rise up and spread the good news or pastor the flock.”
A software engineer turned Advocate, @ruthdhutchins (Ruth Hutchins) has pivoted her professional skills to research church abuse cases in detail and wants other Christians to know what she has learned. “The average Christian needs to think about how this culture is theirs, too. What have I failed to see?”
@Lauriec0210 invites us to be open to learning and growing through this. “Be humble enough to admit you don’t know and courageous enough to learn. Realize you’re stepping into a foreign culture - it’s going to be very unsettling. Realize it will challenge many beliefs you have. Gather a few trustworthy friends to learn about this together- you’ll need the support of others. Ask for help along the way.”
Similarly, @Holly4Hope encourages other Christians to “Continually educate ourselves. Take whatever opportunities we have to help inform others. That is what I have had to do & am still doing. I remind myself how little I understood three years ago. This increases my patience & commitment to others as they learn if they are willing.” I love the compassion communicated here. I also did not realize how widespread church abuse is until I realized it happened to me and began learning about it. Realizing this about myself reminds me to be humble and patient with others. Be humble and compassionate with yourself as you see things you never realized before.
A Church Called TOV, written by Scot McKnight and Laura Barringer, may help you and a group of friends gently walk through these issues with self-compassion.
We can each play a part in making the Church safe and welcoming for everyone, especially children and vulnerable adults, by having humble hearts and continually learning. In the last part of this series, we will look at how churches and ministries must respond to abuse perpetrated by leaders.